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How the Trigger is the Key to your Healing

Updated: 6 days ago

I was really triggered today, by someone who I felt had over-promised and under-delivered. I knew my reaction was both valid, and yet the emotions that came with it were totally out of proportion to the problem.

I took a breath, and I assessed what I wanted to do...

Do I point out the problem and voice my perspective?

Do I process my emotions and speak later...?

Or do I recognise that this isn't as big as it feels, and let it slide...?

This is a continual process that I move through as I navigate my own healing journey, with every relationship we engage in (intimate or distant) there is an opportunity for healing and growth. We are all reflecting one another's inner world, and this is an opportunity to guide us back to our own light, and the depths of the love within us.

I decided in that moment, to choose the second option, knowing that after processing, I may not feel the need to speak my truth, but also that doing so would be an opportunity for even deeper healing if I did.

Ultimately, this wasn't about what my coach had said, done or offered, this was about a) self-acceptance, and b) a reflection of my own Mother wound. I knew this because of my reaction, which was to close up and retract from the situation, while feeling deeply hurt.

My pattern has been 'You withdraw from me, I will withdraw from you' (to the point that you no longer have access to me). A deeply engrained pattern which left me starved of what I needed as a child, and what is so sad is that my Mum wanted to give me the love that I craved, she just didn't have the tools to move me past the contraction. She took my withdrawal as a sign that I needed space, and we became progressively more and more distant as that wound played out on both sides.

This was my abandonment wound rising up for deeper healing. This pattern of closing when I needed love the most was a way of protecting myself that started for me at just 14 months of age, when my brother was born prematurely. My parents, were understandably focused on making sure my baby brother lived, and of course little me had no idea why my parents were no longer as emotionally and physically available to me. And it played out again when he became sick at age 9, an autoimmune disease which took the best of his childhood years, and impacted our whole family deeply.

So back to the abandonment wound, and my process... I sat with my feelings, I acknowledged them as valid, and I gave myself permission to speak about them once I had calmed my nervous system. Then I dove deeper, I saw what this pattern meant for me, I saw my inner child scrunching up her face and crossing her arms to protect herself, I felt the withdrawal, and knew that if I fully retracted it would be me who was missing out, not anyone else.

And I allowed the tears to fall...

As I removed my focus from the external trigger (my coach in that moment), and stopped projecting my unmet expectations onto her, I was shown where this pain originated. And I was given the opportunity to heal it, by being with that inner child, by feeling those feelings, by honouring the whole situation and loving my Mum and myself through it all.


I took responsibility for where I may have unknowingly created this same experience for others, and did a healing prayer to make amends for that, and to bring forgiveness and self-acceptance in myself for where I may have fallen below my own expectations.

All that played out is a multidimensional healing process, because not only am I healing a current wound, by allowing myself to feel and find the root cause I gave myself the opportunity to bring healing to my inner child, and brought in forgiveness for both my Mum and myself. AND I also healed that energetic pattern of emotionally contracting when I feel like someone is pulling away on all levels of my being, in all timelines. Just like all healing, there may be deeper levels needed to completely clear this energy, but I have released so much of the sadness and know I have healed a deeper layer from my abandonment wound.

Bonus - I now feel gratitude to my coach for the trigger and the opportunity to heal, and with that comes forgiveness!

I'd love to hear how this touched you, what came up for you while reading, and if there are any breakthroughs it offered you in your own healing journey?

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